The Last Place You Look at
by cursym
Summary: "I want to date you". spoilers to 3x10. A\K fic.


_Disclaimer- I wish they were mine, but they aren't.  
><em>

_Spoilers – 3x10._

_A/N – I'm lying sick in my bed, so sorry for any mistake. Reviews are welcomed._

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><p>Alicia walks into Kalinda's office, shuts the door and without prelude says: "I want to date you".<p>

Kalinda blinks, just once, but manage to reply: "What?"

Alicia catches her gaze and very slowly repeats: "I want you to take me out on a date".

This time, Kalinda doesn't flinch: "Okay".

Alicia still looking at her: "Good". She turns to leave, then thinks the better of it and adds: "Tomorrow night, 8 o'clock, nothing fancy", and she's out of the door.

And that was that.

* * *

><p>Kalinda is on time, of course she is, and is gorgeous in her own Kalinda way. Alicia can feel the butterflies in her stomach, but pushes them away. Instead she's letting Kalinda lead her to some Hotel's bar; it's a nice quiet place, nothing fancy (as she asked), and nowhere they have been before (for obvious reasons). A place they can talk in, but Alicia doesn't want to talk.<p>

"So", Kalinda starts, "how we came from not speaking to each other to this", she waves her hand at their surroundings to emphasize her point.

"Don't be like that, Kalinda", Alicia Scolds, "We way past the 'not speaking' phase".

"Besides", she continues after a moment's thought "The fact that I don't want you as a friend, doesn't mean I can't have you as a lover".

If Kalinda is hurt by her words, she doesn't let it show: "oh, I see. This is how it's gonna be".

"Yes", Alicia confirms, "Do you have a problem with that?"

"No, not really", Kalinda answers "but you could've come with a better term than 'date'".

Alicia just stares at her for what seems like forever, then she wake up and asks: "Are you coming?", she stars walking without looking back, she knows Kalinda will follow.

There no point in asking where they're going, Kalinda remains seated for all but a few seconds and then sighs and gets up to follow Alicia.

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><p>That was their last "date" (if you could even call it a date). Not to say they stopped seeing each other, quite the opposite, actually. Sometimes Alicia wants to stop everything and shout: "I want to get down". But she can't, she made her decision and now she has to live with it.<p>

She knows it stupid, breaking up with Will, only to start this… thing… with Kalinda. But with Will she had a chance for love, and with Kalinda she's in full on self destruct mode, which is much safer, in her opinion. No one can blame her and Will for lack of lust, but it pales in comparison to what she and kalinda have.

She can hardly recognizes herself anymore, it's like she needs her all the time; in the bath, and in deserted stairwells, on the couch and against the door. In hotels' rooms and in their houses, one time in the office when it was late and no one was there (at least that's what she hopes). Like she can't get enough and always wants more, more, more…

And it's not like Kalinda is making it easy on her, for she has never been with anyone like her. She learns fast and she learns well, after about 5 times, she already knows her completely, knows all her buttons, how to tease her, how to make her buckle with just a look. She has definitely lives up to her reputation.

But they don't talk and they don't go anywhere, Alicia still can't trust her, she can't stop either.

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><p>Alicia is frustrated, Kalinda is right there with her with the all "wham bam thank you ma'am" thing they got going on, only she isn't entirely. Every time they have a more…horizontal surface she insists on going slow when Alicia wants it fast, insists on being tender when Alicia wants it hard. Insists on making love to her instead of just fuck, insists on holding her afterward and kissing her back, murmuring sweets nothings in her ear until she falls asleep. And Alicia lets her, because amazing as their other encounters are, those are the times she really feels complete.<p>

She starts sharing things about her life with her again, when they lying in her bed, naked and sweaty. Little things at first, nothing meaningful; what she thinks on Diane's new haircut, how she would love to show that patronizing lawyer she's not one to mess with (hearing that, Kalinda offers to introduce him to her baseball bat, Alicia doesn't sure if she only half kidding or not, but it makes her laugh and it feels good).

But it's escalating very quickly, and before she can stop herself, she's telling her things she didn't tell anyone. Why she broke up with Will, how she is seriously thinking about divorcing Peter. How she feels she let her kids down, couldn't be the mother they deserved. (Kalinda's having none of that, telling her how lucky they are for having her as a mother, how someone else might have break, how they adore her, and somehow, it makes everything better).

And Kalinda is talking too. Telling her how she sleeps with men and women, but her heart lies with the women (and Alicia almost asks if she currently sleeping with someone else, but she doesn't dare, not sure if she wants to hear the answer). Telling her about Donna and how she broke her heart so she could keep hers intact.

One night, when they at Alicia's (the kids are safe with Peter) she tells her about her past, nothing specific, just that she was in some sort of danger and had to get a new life, Alicia doesn't says anything, just holds her close. Later, before she falls asleep she hears Kalinda mumbles: "that's why I did it… with Peter", and she can hear the tears in her voice.

Alicia knows she wasn't supposed to hear that, Kalinda never speaks about Peter, not how it was to work for him, not their one night stand. In that regard she still respects Alicia's request from so long ago in her office, she doesn't try to excuse herself, or to explain things, most of the time she just ignores it.

So when she does hear it, she pretends she's already asleep, but something in her heart stirs.

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><p>Kalinda is starting to get to her, and she knows it, this is no longer about lust alone. Their midnight's talks show this. Also how well Kalinda gets with her kids; no awkward silences, no embarrassing moments. They absolutely adore her, Zach for obvious reasons, but so does Grace, she even told her she wants to be PI when she grow up (and Alicia couldn't help but wonder what happened to being a lawyer).<p>

When Peter gets caught up at work and is late to pick them up, and Kalinda is scheduled to come over to her, she isn't worried; she's not calling to tell her to come later. Kalinda arrives and her kids are happy to see her, inviting her for dinner, it surprises Alicia how well she gets along with them (especially given her statement one night that she just doesn't get kids). It's refreshing really, having someone she can share with them.

But what's pushing her over the edge, what's making her realize she wants, no, needs more, is when one morning, before a meeting with a client. Eli asks her: "what's wrong with Kalinda?"

She's taken by surprise, but recovers quickly: "I haven't notice anything wrong".

"She less vicious, almost like she's happy, I don't like it", He spits and walks out to get something he needs.

The fact that Kalinda, the impassive, unreadable Kalinda is so happy that people can actually see it in her behavior is what finally gets to Alicia.

The only way out now is through.

* * *

><p>She invites Kalinda over, but this time, she sets the dinner table for two, with candles, and roses. Kalinda walks in and stop dead in her tracks at the sight of the table: "are you expecting someone?" she raises an eyebrow.<p>

"Yes", Alicia says, "you".

Kalinda doesn't move, she continues to look at her.

Alicia sigh: "look, Kalinda, I can't do this anymore. I...I need something more, I…"

But Kalinda doesn't let her finish: "its okay Alicia, you don't have to say it, I always knew it was coming", it is clear that Kalinda is fighting hard to not let her feeling show, but she is failing miserably. She takes a deep breath and goes on: "that you'll meet someone right for you… I'll just leave" ,and she turns on her heels toward the door.

But Alicia doesn't let her, she reaches out and catches her arm: "Will you just let me finish?" she says almost in anger. "I did met someone right for me – you, I don't want us to stay like this, I want you as a friend as well", she stop to gather her thoughts and to make sure that Kalinda can see her eyes, can see the truth in them. "I want you as my best friend, my partner, my soul mate".

Kalinda looks at her blankly for a second or two and then she says: "I need to hear you say it".

Alicia doesn't need to ask what is it Kalinda needs to hear, the thing that hovers over them for what seems like an eternity, but in reality is just a few months (not so few, but still). "I forgive you", she whispers, almost like she struggles to get the words out, like she can't really believe that she is saying them, like she's not really mean them. She knows how it reads to Kalinda, so she speaks again, louder this time: "I forgive you", and again, with conviction: "I really do forgive you, I love you".

They both can't stop their tears at this point, but they find each other and hold on tight, Kalinda is kissing Alicia's tears away. Kissing her eyes, her cheek, her chin, finally reaching for her lips, seizing them in a searing kiss, expressing in that kiss all that she still can't say in words, all her emotions and pent up feelings, all the love she has and doesn't know how to articulate.

Eventually they feel safe enough to break apart, Kalinda rests her head on Alicia's shoulder and whispers: "what now?"

Alicia smiles: "now, we eat dinner. And maybe tomorrow you can take me on a date, a real one".

Alicia can feel Kalinda's smile: "Yeah, I'll like that".

"Good, but something fancy this time".

They both laugh.


End file.
